New Words & Terms for the 21st Century

Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

Mouse Potato: The online, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

Ego Surfing: Scanning the Net, databases, print media and so on, looking for references to one's own name.

Swiped Out: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away due to extensive use.

Starter Marriage: A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.

Good Job: A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.

Do You Need An Emotional Detox? - By Lynne Pardoe

Are you guilty of flying off the handle at minor irritation? Do you avoid challenges or feel frightened, inadequate or plain unfulfilled? If any of this sounds familiar, a new form of therapy may be what you need.

Just as too much nicotine and rich or processed foods make our bones sluggish, our minds get clogged up over the years with limiting – and often – unjustified beliefs. As a result, we end up stuck in a so-so relationship because we’re too scared to be alone, or we stay in a job we don’t enjoy because it’s safe and convenient. This is known as emotional baggage and we start collecting it early in life. Sometimes, an unhappy experience or a chance comment from an influential figure when we’re young leaves a lasting memory that causes emotional damage – similar to a scar.

Don’t Hold Back
It’s not that our parents and teachers are sadists who want to spoil our fun. Rather, because they’re afraid children will appear weak, they teach them to hide their feelings instead of crying. Often, the problem isn’t about the issues, but the ideas surrounding them.
For instance, showing anger is often seen as rude although the real problem isn’t expressing it but the way it’s done. Shouting is aggressive and antisocial, but explaining to someone why you’re not happy with something they did is helpful, as it allows you to find a solution. Repression stops the natural flow of grief, pushing feelings deep into the subconscious. But unfortunately, unresolved sentiments don’t just vanish.
Hiding emotions makes you develop coping tactics, such as addictive behaviour, which are designed to mask uncomfortable feelings. This ties up your mental energy and stops you from giving your best to anything, leading to feelings of poor self-worth. This prevents you from moving to a more successful phase.
Sometimes this is manifested as subconscious self-sabotage – for instance, turning up late for a job interview or allowing yourself to be treated badly by others, further confirming your negative beliefs. But changing your outlook isn’t easy. People tend to think in circles. They stick to what’s safe and find even small changes difficult.
This is where emotional detox comes in. Rather than looking at specific issues as with counselling, detoxing can help you recognise damaging patterns and help you to change.
There are many difficulties people face when they need an emotional detox.
Therapists encourage patients to keep an emotional diary that they read through together to help spot and understand certain patterns.

A Patient’s Experience

I was 33 when I was propelled into a crisis that forced me to rethink my life. I got married in June and in October, my husband told me that he didn’t love me any more and didn’t want us to have children. I was horrified. My doctor suggested I keep a diary of my emotions, which helped understand why I’d made particular choices in my life. I had a successful job as a marketing manager for a dotcom company, and the “right” sort of man in my life and it just seemed a good time to get married. However, I began to realise I’d been living my life with a view to making my parents proud, rather than thinking about what I wanted for myself. After the detox I gave up my job to travel. When I returned, I started an interior design course, which I feel really comfortable with. I’m now happier and more self-aware than I’ve ever been in my life.
As for relationships, I only want to be in one where the other person genuinely adds to my happiness. I’d rather be alone and fulfilled than in a damaging relationship with a partner who tries to undermine me.

Five Steps To Dump That Emotional Baggage

Acknowledge emotional black spots

There are certain feelings we often push to the back of our minds – especially fear, whether it’s of spiders or commitment. If it stops you from doing things you would otherwise like to do, you need to take control. Acknowledging it is the first step. However painful your feelings are, it’s better to get them out in the open rather than hide them away. Then you need to work out ways of overcoming this fear, perhaps with the help of a therapist.

Break the pattern.

If something feels comfortable, it’s natural to do it again and again, but sometimes, the reason if feels pleasant is because it’s familiar, not because it’s right or best for you. Think about why you’ve made certain choices and whether they were good ones. Relationship mistakes are made when you choose the sort of partner you think you ought (rather than want) to be with.

Like yourself.

Don’t try to be perfect. Learning to accept yourself as you are sets you free. It also lets others be themselves in your presence and that makes you good company.

Open your mind.

If you get your sense of achievement through being right all the time, you risk alienating others because you’re not listening to them. There are very few absolute rights and wrongs in life and a rigid outlook will deny you the opportunity to appreciate other viewpoints.

Stamp on guilt.

Accept that everyone has caused someone distress at some time. What’s important is that you’ve learnt something from the experience. Don’t beat yourself up about things you can’t change – learn lessons for the future.

The Vikings' Squad

Shetland Islands: The Guizer Jarl is silhouetted as members of his Viking Squad walk around a long boat with burning torches during the annual Up Helly Aa Festival. The festival celebrates the influence of the Scandinavian vikings and is being celebrated since 1870. AFP

Cool Mini

Vienna: Artist Marco Mehn cleans a mini cooper, which he has painted and covered with some 35,000 artificial gemstones before the opening of the fair ‘LUXURY, please’. Reuters

Pacman

My all-time favorite game and character "The Pacman". Revelers march in the annual Greenwich Village Halloween Parade in New York, October 31, 2008.

Herding geese

Free-range geese are herded together at a farm in the eastern German town of Kuhhorst.

Mall Sharks

Sharks swims past divers preparing the aquarium in the new Dubai Mall hours before its official opening in the oil-rich Gulf emirate.

Anger!

When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear.
--Mark Twain

For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.
--Dr Laurence J. Peter

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
--Buddha

Anger is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one.
--Benjamin Franklin

Anyone who angers you conquers you.
--Anonymous

It is wise to direct your anger towards problems not people; to focus your energies on answers not excuses.
--William Arthur Ward

There are two things a person should never be angry at, what they can help, and what they cannot. --Plato

What a ride

New Mexico: Hot air balloons soar over the Rio Grande during the Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta.

Wild cravings

1. Lady enjoying her sandwich, one fine morning

2. A seagull suffering from strong cravings has some other ideas

3. It flies down and aims right at the meaty part

4. Nicely and accurately executed

5. Showing us exactly what needs to be done when you want something. You just have to reach out and own it!

Even the monkeys are doing it :D

A 7-year-old male monkey named Wukong (R) and a 6-year old female monkey named Xiaoya are seen during a special wedding ceremony at a zoo in Wenling, China, September 4, 2008.

Time for everything - in search of ears

Start of the month and things have started dull and slow as ever. Feeling trapped in the depth of pessimism and monotony, there is a glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel but the impatience is making it harder to sail through this. Every aspect of living seems fragile and heavily tested e.g. no fun and all work in the most dull office environment is sucking all the life; that is left from inside me, no exercise/sport is having apparent physical implications, constant reminder of someone's pain and distress is also ripping the inside apart (wish he gets well soon), can't seem to connect to the spiritual side as I would have liked to and always one step behind inevitably or lazily whatever you may call it. Feeling it really hard to see any positives lately, doesn't mean there aren't any happening....

Waiting desperately for someone to free me from this misery. Wonder when that time will come - when all the missing pieces will fit in. There is in fact "time for everything", believing in which keeps me going. Crawling if not running or walking towards it, I will ultimately get to it and everything seems to mellow down all because of it.

I guess what I desperately seek at this stage is a certain piece of mind and a pair of ears I could turn to and seek refuge.....

Hello world!

Six week old Siberian tiger cub 'Antares' is presented at the Tierpark Friedrichsfelde zoo in Berlin August 4, 2008.

Dinner in the sky

Berlin: Guests have dinner at a new event venue which offers ‘Dinner in the Sky’ for guests seated around a table that is lifted by a crane next to the Kaiser Wilhelm Gedaechtniskirche ‘Emperor Wilhelm Memorial Church’ landmark.

Bolt strikes at Beijing Olympics, 2008

Usain Bolt of Jamaica crosses the finish line to win the men's 200m final of the athletics competition in the National Stadium at the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games August 20, 2008. Bolt set a new world record with a timing of 19.30 seconds and is by far the fastest legs on planet earth.

Tree of Love

Moscow: The so-called ‘Trees of Love’ with padlocks placed by newlyweds to seal their love, are seen across Luzhkov bridge. A recent Russian tradition involves newlyweds placing a padlock at one of the iron trees on Luzhkov bridge to lock their love, and as long as the padlock remains, the couple’s love will remain locked.

Blast from the PAST

Sitting in office with nothing to do, I was listening to my ipod and playing solitaire when my cell phone suddenly rang. It was unknown number, I took the call anyways and at the other end was a voice I couldn't recognize. It seemed to be an old-aged senior and from the first moment started thanking me and Allah for he was able to trace me down. I was beating myself to having not recognize his voice and he was so frank while talking that he had known me for a very long time. So, I decided to listen; as he wasn't letting me speak anyways, and try to figure out who this stranger really was.

He was thanking me so intensely that I really felt embarrassed and there was this sweetness in his tone, which really hit me at all the soft spots. It was in the middle of all this I realized who this man was.....

I was driving home from University in one evening of April 2006, I had to for some home-chore or something had to go to Samnabad(Lahore) in the way. I was a bit tired and really low in spirits at that time, I don't exactly remember the reason. I guess it was also quite hot at that time and the road was all wrecked up too. I was as usual listening to some music in the car and driving, all tired when this old fellow waved for a lift....I kind of ignored and drove on but something stopped me as I went a little further. I stopped the car, reversed it and drove up to him and let him in. He seemed tired and sat in front with me. He asked me where I was headed and told me to drop him at a place which was in my way, anyways. He seemed like a quiet man or there was something, he was emotionally down with. He asked me what I was doing. I told him I was studying computers at that time and the basic info.

During all this he started telling me about his son that he was not able to get admission anywhere after his Intermediate for one reason or another, and troubled finances if I am not wrong. It really made me feel for the guy. He cared so much for his son, who mattered the all for him in this world. I tried to cheer up the guy, I told him all I knew and don't know from where this idea came to my mind, I suggested him to get his son to try for Commission(Army). I enlightened him with all that I knew about it. His stop came, as he was headed his way out of my car I gave him my visiting card from the Softec days at FAST-NU. I told him that he can tell his son to contact me and that I would do anything I could if he'd give me a call. He gave me duas and went away. I didn't even asked for his name he didn't tell either, he was so occupied with the tension surrounding his son's future.

The day passed, life moved on. The wheel of life spun really fast and 2 years just flew by before I knew it. Today, 15th August 2008 with more than 2 years since that incident today the call I received was from the same old guy that I gave the ride back then. He was asking for my office's address and telling me that he wanted to meet me in person to thank me. As, his son was graduating with honors this September(2008) from Army Commission. He was inviting me to attend his son's passing out ceremony. He told me that he took his son the next day we met to some Army person and enrolled his son for the commission right away.

I will never forget what he called me over the phone but every bit of it was like magic. I will never ever forget that moment, I felt like flying in 7th heaven at the moment because he was like "THE happiest father on Allah's earth" at the moment. It was not due to me or anything, I have got nothing to claim in all this. I am just happy because Allah chose me to be at that place at the right time. Because if it wasn't for this timing I wouldn't have been able to hear what such extreme happiness coming from a accomplished father towards his son, sounds like (On a lighter note, there a lot of moments with my abu,ami too but this one was different).

I thank my lord for being so kind, showering his blessings and in guiding me all the way throughmy life and I pray that HE guides me to stand fast for the good things and be a better man, as there is still a long way to go and the journey has only just begun. I feel like a new man today and hope that I will make myself useful for everyone around me.......

I am only documenting this incidence in my blog because I don't want to forget any part of this moment, this one is for me.

Pursuit of happiness!

We all can relate to this gopher one way or another :)

First Ever One

So here it goes....
There was a time I thought who are these people who write blogs. I mean there is so much other fun stuff one could get himself/herself to. In other words it seems pretty nerdy and boring thing to do. But here I am doing all this myself.....the reason is perhaps that I am rapidly becoming a chip of the same block.
have got nothing else to do, when I look around I find everyone busy doing something or pretending to be at something just like myself. Everything is so fast, insane and mindless. Everyone wants to make most of every second of time he/she has. People reading paper, sipping out of their coffee/tea mugs, talking on the phone and driving, all at the same time. There is so much to do and so little time. While everybody knows there are more important things one should be attending to apart from the routine stuff, yet we cannot do so. We are well aware of the fact that present time comes only once in life. It feels hopeless sometimes that we cannot control what we can do and we cannot do. We are plunged into the daily grind of things we cannot escape from.....

Well I think this "first ever" is becoming too depressive, I guess sometimes we also don't cherish all the stuff we have at hand too. We are never satisfied with what we have in our hand and always keen on what is hidden in the bushes.

These are just random thoughts and are not supposed to mean anything, it is just that I have got nothing productive to do at the moment so I thought why not kill time by beating the keys and letting the useless thoughts drain out of my mind...

If you are able to bear this much of my worthless writing I would recommend you to listen to u2's "Miracle Drug" ..... it will sure light you up, I hope in a good way :D